


My Beautiful Angel

by rachel_hk1



Category: Loss - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-12
Updated: 2011-10-12
Packaged: 2017-10-24 13:18:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/263911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rachel_hk1/pseuds/rachel_hk1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short story about a love lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Beautiful Angel

Tears fall down my face when the rain begins. I stand with my bare feet in the cold, stinging grass. My skin shivers as the raindrops collide with my body. Soon I am completely soaked. Both with rain and devastation. I clench my shirt and pull myself to the ground. On my hands and knees, I gasp for breath. I raise my head and yell at the rain. I scream until my voice can no longer endure. I slump onto my side and let the ground draw me in.  
I am no longer alive. There is no use for me here.  
The clouds crash together as the sound of thunder echoes through the air. No more. Just let me go. My angel is gone. I can’t live without her. Tears flow faster as I hear her voice echo in my mind.  
“Don’t worry, darling. I’ll be alright.” She wraps her arms around me and holds me close. Her body is shaking and I can’t help but whimper. Her legs buckle beneath her but my arms hold her up. I sneak an arm under her knees to carry her to the couch. She coughs as I perch her on my lap. I twist my fingers into her hair the way she likes. She curls into my chest, pulling on my shirt.  
“I’m cold,” she whispers. I swiftly wrap as much of myself around her to keep her warm. She sighs happily and a small smile lights up her thin face. “You’ve always been warm. Ever since the first time you held me like this.”  
I remembered that day. We had only been dating for a few weeks. Being conservative with our physical interactions, we had only held hands and hugged each other a few times. This changed one night while we were watching a movie at my house. She had rubbed her arms and said, “I’m cold. Do you have a blanket I could use?” At the time, I was so enraptured by the movie, that I didn’t think twice about lifting her small frame into my lap and wrapping my arms around her.  
“Better?”  
Still in shock, she looked at me wide-eyed.  
“I’m sorry. Was that too rash?” I scratched my head in embarrassment.  
Suddenly the room erupted with her laughter and her face was in my chest. I loved the sound of it so I couldn’t help but chuckle. It took her a moment to calm herself but a smile was plastered on her glowing, angelic face. “You really are something, aren’t you?”  
I shrugged as I felt my cheeks become warm. She kissed my nose then buried herself under my chin with her arms draped around me. It took me a moment to process the fact that her lips were so close to mine. If only they had reached the destination I had been hoping for, ever since we had started dating.  
That would only come a few days later on our second movie night. She had tossed herself on top of me during the movie. Of course I didn’t mind and I decided to rest my arm on hers so our fingers wove together. I loved the feeling of her hand entwined with mine. Her hands fit perfectly.  
After the movie, she sat on my lap as we talked about how crazy the world is. She laughed as I told her how the government was going haywire and we were all headed to our doom. “Well aren’t we pessimistic?” she had poked my nose mockingly in response. I chuckled then held her hand in mine before looking back into her beautiful dark eyes. “You know, I may be pessimistic about the world but the world has given me the best gift I could have ever asked for.” I could see her cheeks flush a light shade of red as she shook her head. “Now you’re being a cheesy romantic. Although I don’t mind,” she grinned. I couldn’t help but close the distance between us and taste that grin with my lips. I pulled away, my mind blank. Had I really just kissed her? I looked up at her sheepishly to find her still grinning. “Come back here,” she ordered then pulled me back in for a second kiss.  
After exchanging a few more kisses, she drove back home and I was left feeling giddy until the next time I saw her.  
However, that first evening we spent in each other’s arms, enjoying whatever movie we had chosen to sink our minds into.  
Her harsh coughing startles me. I kiss her forehead and rub her back slowly. She has lost a lot of weight since that night. We went to the doctor a year ago only to find out that she had some one-in-a-million terminal disease that no one had survived and not even the doctors could figure out what was wrong. He suggested that she’d only have a few months to live however she’d been able to fight it for almost a year. The backlash is that she had become weak and the disease caused her to throw up if she ate. The only food she had been able to digest for over ten months was applesauce. Soon the plastic cups appeared throughout the house every evening when I returned home from work.  
A few weeks ago, I came home to find her throwing up in the bathroom. She found that she could no longer digest anything except water in small fragments.  
I knew she would be dead soon but I couldn’t bring myself to that reality. I couldn’t say it and I didn’t want to bring it into the forefront of my mind. I was in denial even though I would come home every day praying she was still breathing.  
She asked me to take time off work and, not being able to deny her wish, I stayed home during the next few weeks. Every day, I would lie with her in bed to keep her withering body warm. I would help her into the bathtub and sit with her as she washed. She would poke at the bubbles and giggle as if she were five years old, discovering soap for the first time. Sometimes she would splash me and I couldn’t help but laugh and splash her back.  
Every night, we would huddle on the couch to watch a movie on the large television we had bought a few years ago after the first months we had lived in the house. She had been so enthusiastic about installing it and she worked hard throughout the day to mount it on the wall and program it to our favorite channels.  
However, tonight the screen stays blank. I stroke her hair as her breathing becomes slow and deep. Knowing she is asleep, tears slide down my cheeks. I couldn’t let her see me cry. Especially now when the end is so close.  
I bury my face in her hair and quietly sigh so as not to wake her. I don’t know how long I sit there, holding her in my arms. It seems like hours before I stand and carry her upstairs to bed. I place her under the covers and snuggle my body next to hers. I fall asleep with salt tears in my eyes.  
When I wake up to the sound of rain, her body is limp. Thinking she is still asleep, I stroke her cheek and find her skin cold and lifeless. Reality hits me and I shake her shoulder. No response. The rain hits the window harder as my eyes begin to cloud. I hold her to me and breathe in her scent one last time. I kiss her still soft lips.  
I remember when those lips were animated. I was always hypnotized at the way they moved and the voice that came from her mouth. Her kisses sent my mind whirling and I could never get enough.  
I would never get enough.  
I walk out to the backyard and cry with the rain, hoping the earth would swallow me whole. I am no longer needed in this world. I lie there in the flood until the world goes blank.

I wake up in tears. I sit up quickly and check my surroundings. The apartment is still empty with just a box or two in the corner. After she died, I had no interest in keeping much. Everything I saw that reminded me of her caused my breath to shorten and my eyes to produce tears.  
That had been only a few months ago.  
Every night since, I relived the night of her death in my dreams. At first, I convinced myself that it was just a phase. It was understandable after having something so horrific happen to you. But, after awhile, I began to break down. Night after night, I would wake up to the empty apartment with nothing but sadness in my heart.  
I couldn’t take much more of it.  
I make my bed and change into the shirt I had worn our first movie night together. I walk over to the mirror and check my reflection. Nothing new except the lack of weight. I look down at a picture I had saved of her before the disease had taken her life. I smile back at her and sigh before placing it back on the dresser.  
I walk into the bathroom and shut the door. I take out a razor and maneuver the blade out of its binds. I set it down on the counter and stare at it, trying to make sense of what I’m about to do. Looking into the mirror, I see her face smile back at me. I reach out and touch the reflection with a grin.  
“Don’t worry, darling. I’ll be with you soon.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if there is anything that you would like to see done to it.  
> I hope you enjoyed the writing :)


End file.
